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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public? A private tutor (tooter) Heard it from a guy on the street selling newspapers in front of the art institute in chicago."

"Well played, super clean sliding glass door I thought I'd left open. Well played."

"I don't want to know the truth. Lie to me and make it ok."

"I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine's Day."

"Worst joke I know. How do you make a 5 year old cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick on their favorite teddybear."

"The police just knocked on my door They claimed my dog was chasing someone on a bike. I told them they must be mistaken. My dog doesn't even own a bike."

"On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green."

"Why did the tomato blush red? Because it saw salad dressing! :D Just like I saw your mom dressing Cause she's a skank Come at me, Reddit. Come at me"

"If apple made a car... Would it have windows?"

"My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner. He's black."