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Joke of the Day

"If apple made a car... Would it have windows?"

"Why can a T-Rex not touch his toes? Because he's extinct"

"I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"Why does the bass fart a half-tone flatter than every other fish? He's got a **b** in front of his ass"

"[NYE] ME: *wearing 2017 glasses* OPTOMETRIST: *rubbing his temples* Stephanie your eyesight may be bad but you really only need one pair"

"Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer"

"Why was six afraid of seven Because seven was a registered six offender"

"I came back from war to find out that I had missed the birth of my wife's second child. Turns out, I also missed the conception."

"I woke up this morning to find Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...I was petrified."

"A detective tries to find to where his clothes were stolen It was a brief case."