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Joke of the Day

"Dear Dude, who's slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can't keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie."

"((speaking too close to the microphone at press conference)I have never watched a single episode of the Teletubbies. They look like fools"

"what does a sneeze see after it dies sneezus"

"Why do the French like eating snails? Because they can't stand fast food!"

"It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside."

"I don't know why everyone dislikes catholics... They are putting so much into the youth."

"What's the worst animal to play cards with? A cheetah. Because it'll rip your fucking face off."

"5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies"

"I like my women like I like my whiskey.. Inanimate."

"Star Wars (1977): A wounded warrior overcomes severe burn injuries to build a massive empire only to see his estranged son destroy it."