65497

Joke of the Day

"*walks up to Michael Cohen's door* ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Says."" ""Says who?"" ""THE POLLS. ALL OF THEM."""

"Only attractive people that get laid all the time troll people on the internet. Everybody knows that."

"A man runs into a bar... A man runs into a bar, and demands to the barkeep: ""Quick! How tall do penguins grow?"" ""About two foot sir"" replies the bartender ""Shit. I've just run over a nun."""

"In spanish... it only takes one to tengo."

"""Our toes look nothing like that!"" - Camels"

"so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy's mannequin that turned out to be a real human man"

"Why are there so many Smiths in the phonebook? Because they all own telephones"

"Why would you ask me for directions? You just saw me walk into a closed door."

"News, just in: Truck Stolen! A lorry containing 150 pallets of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are searching the country for a gang of hardened criminals."

"I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world I told them to fuck off. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving."