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Joke of the Day

"Why would you ask me for directions? You just saw me walk into a closed door."

"What did the Pirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey!"

"Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart."

"You (drinking coffee): Drugs are bad Me (smugly injecting heroin): Actually, coffee is a drug"

"How did Kim Kardashian get her hands on Liberace's bath robe? #GrammysRedCarpet"

"I don't understand how people can do such good impersonations. I can't even be myself around other people."

"A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ""Pint please, and one for the road."" "

"Did you hear about the guy who wears as many watches as he can, while trying to collect every type? He has way too much time on his hands."

"Rosie O'Donnell is such a hipster ...she hated Trump before it was cool."

"Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?"