65391

Joke of the Day

"Do you know why W. S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his Trans-Atlantic crossings? Because he was quartered on the port side."

"[very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second"

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffe Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind."

"What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus? You only need one nail for the picture."

"What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows? High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)"

"What do you call it when the women in the back of a mexican brothel talk after working all night? Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think."

"A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar... And the bartender asks, ""What'll ya have, Mr. President?"""

"My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier."

"What the lifelong atheist said when he reached the Pearly Gates. I'll be damned!"

"Last night, I had dinner at one of those illicit restaurants where you can dine on endangered species. I left there full of egret."