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Joke of the Day
"One time, a woman admitted she was wrong, but the government covered it up."
Next Joke
"Olive Oil What's the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil? Popeye's cock."
"Some of you are like family to me. I don't want you calling me either."
"Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently"
"When people say they're a foodie it's no big deal.. but when people find I'm a drinker they're all ""stop the car"" and ""we're calling the police""."
"*Knock knock* ""Who's there?"" ""Madame."" ""Madame who?"" Madame foots stuck in the door."
"Me: Hey lady, you can't park there. Her: I'm just running into Starbucks. Me: Oh shit, my bad. Laws don't apply to you then."
"Top 10 inappropriate songs to sing at a children's karaoke party; 10 - Sometimes When We Touch"
"Oh so Paris Hilton can carry a dog in her purse but if I leave my baby in a suitcase behind the chicken restaurant I'm some kind of monster."
"Unlike MC Hammer's regulations, you can pretty much touch anything of mine you want."