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Joke of the Day

"Death When a family member unexpectedly dies, what's the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan?"

"Why did the woman marry the shoe maker? Because she was his sole mate."

"Son dad joke Grandpa - you should try this. It's out of this world Son - sorry grandpa I don't like food from space. He's 8"

"I learned mathematical fractions from a drug dealer. He said if I don't pay $4,000 in 7 days, I'll lose 3 fingers."

"Cute neighbor mows her lawn almost naked, so I sneak over there at night and sprinkle Miracle-Gro all over her yard.. costly but so worth it"

"What are the 3 rules to buying real estate, the difference between jock itch and athlete's foot, and breastfeeding and a glass of milk? Location, location, location."

"Last year i was miserable and depressed, But this year I've turned it around, I'm depressed and miserable"

"I was arrested yesterday for stealing eggs. I could've sworn they were free range."

"How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes"

"I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday. Why don't you? Because I can't think of a single thing to say!"