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Joke of the Day

"I went for my physical yesterday. Nurse came in the room and she said ""I'm going to have to ask you to stop masturbating"" I was like ""What? Why!?"" She said ""because I'm trying to do your physical!"""

"What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe? You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs."

"i'm the girl your mom warned you about... long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i'm reptar. i'm reptar from rugrats."

"If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction."

"Your ""COEXIST"" sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace."

"For her birthday, my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 in 5 seconds. So I got her a weighing machine..."

"I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along."

"How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was."

"I wanted to propose to her. I wanted to propose her.I gave her a ring.What the heck,she won't pick up the phone."

"I would make a joke here... ...but Amy Schumer doesn't need any more material."