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Joke of the Day

"Date me? You can't afford the maintenance to keep me. Vodka, high heels, steak, shiny clothes, tonic, Victoria's Secret, and bail money."

"What did the red dog say to the blue dog? Nothing, dogs can't speak."

"A racist joke Donald Trump"

"I used to have Osama Bin Laden as a contact. I removed him because he was blowing up my phone. Oh god this that was so shitty."

"I invented a Glass Coffin, but I don't know if it will catch on. Remains to be seen."

"A new study found that 12 percent of married adults met their spouses online.The other 88 percent met somebody else's spouse online"

"What do you call a porno with aliens in it? A science friction movie."

"I got 99 problems and being attractive could solve at least 30 of them."

"Does an Eskimo ever think about drizzling their house with delicious flavored syrups and eating it?"

"Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life."