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Joke of the Day

"Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life."

"Today is Sigmund Freud's birthday Which reminds me, Mother's Day is this weekend."

"I like to make jokes about summarizing stories without context. For example: *...Long story short, my mother isn't allowed to walk on the neighbor's lawn anymore*"

"Have you seen the clown that hides from ugly people? I thought not..."

"4 story building in Philadelphia being demolished collapses on top of Goodwill store with 14 people inside. One dead, thirteen injured, twenty-nine taken to the hospital."

"I read my wife's diarrhea She thinks I have dyslexia!"

"There are probably fewer bees around now because a lot of them are still in prison for murdering Macaulay Culkin in My Girl"

"What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say to his colleague? Hoover fuck said this job would be a good idea?"

"The jokes on pregnancy are not easy to get... It's pretty much inside jokes."

"The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket"