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Joke of the Day

"Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito."

"Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do."

"Why did the church hire a prostitute? Her resume said ""missionary position"""

"I googled your mom and got a virus. For all the ""your mom"" jokesters out there. Just made that one up."

"I'm a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve."

"What did Michael Jackson almost name his daughter? Nata-LEE-HEE!"

"Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? They only had 2 trucks"

"What does Korean food taste like? Chinese food."

"Coming soon to NBC: She's a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn't play by the rules. And he's a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down."

"I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*"