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Joke of the Day

"I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson"

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"Open Relationship My girlfriend and I have been in an open relationship for about a month now. She is still yet to find out.. On the plus side, her mother and I have gotten much closer!"
"I never scrape my back window so when I back out of parking spots I let Jesus decide if I'm gonna kill anyone"
"Pssst! I'm voting. Does anyone know the answer to #4? And who do I show my tits for extra credit? That old lady doesn't look interested."
"[OC] I've got a broken yo-yo for sale. Anyone want to buy it? No strings attached"
"Did you hear Helen Keller was an atheist? I guess she never saw the light."
"To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you"
"Donald Trump is getting back into the air travel industry... He's launching...Receding Hairlines"
"I'm going to make a movie about the raid to steal Osama Bin Laden's porn stash. 'Zero-Dick-Thirty'."
"What does a physics cow say? "