64956

Joke of the Day

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because 7 is a prime number and those are pretty intimidating."

"4% battery left on my iPhone. The music that plays when Sonic the Hedgehog is drowning is playing in my head."

"I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon."

"Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper."

"How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? Look for the fresh prints."

"I hate church with all the sitting, standing, and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"I wouldn't really mind being left to my own devices as long they were fully charged and there was WiFi."

"What does a house wear? Address!"

"[hears wife approaching while I read son bedtime story] the prince hugged the dragon..[hears wife walk away] ok, basically a retweet is whe"

"The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor."