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Joke of the Day

"[Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*"

"I can't stop starting at the Mona Lisa... I think I'm in Louvre."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

"Considering ""Thank You"" cards are a thing, I'm going to invent ""No, thank YOU!"" cards and people will send them back and forth forever."

"[sermon] There will come a day when Christ will drive out evil from our land, and it will be the Judgment Day! *T-1000 shifts nervously*"

"Anyone know any good HP Lovecraft jokes? I only know a few Old Ones."

"Husband -Talking to wife I have a problem Wife - how many times must i tell you that it is ""we,"" ""we have a problem"". Husband - Ok, sweetie, we have a problem. My secretary is having our baby"

"Why do bunnies have soft sex? They have cotton balls."

"What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll."

"Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT"