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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?? Attire"

"What do you calla judge with no thumbs? Justice fingers"

"Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava But only once"

"Had to put my dog down today... I just didn't expect him to be so heavy!"

"Xerxes I is the most successful carpet dealer. He went to the West with a million Persians and came home with only a handful of them."

"ALCOHOL. Because no good story ever began with, ""So, I was sitting there eating this salad..."""

"HOW DO PIGS TALK? SWINE LANGUAGE."

"Where can you find a mormon horse? Salt Lick City."

"This summer I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, 'Get a life' on them. Demetri Martin"

"Where did you leave your legless dog? Where you left him. And how do you call him? Doesn't matter, he won't come."