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Joke of the Day

"What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist? Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door."

"What do you call someone who cleans vacuums? A vacuum cleaner."

"Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money."

"When I'm horny, I stroll into rooms on all fours, with my ass shaking up in the air, meowing incessantly until someone throws a shoe at me."

"My parents used to listen to jimmy saville back in the seventies If only they had come into my room and stopped him."

"B: Girl you so fine, I rate you a 9 3/4. G: Why? B: Because I wanna put myself in you. Harry Potter pickup line"

"A teacher finds his students have drawn penises on the whiteboard, so he rubs them all off. He is now a registered sex offender."

"[Girl takes off her clothes] ""You have had sex before right?"" [Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower] ... ""no actually"""

"I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey... She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay."

"Guys, is it okay that I kinda hate the obsequious rhetorical questions people ask when they want to sound like a wry, world-weary populist?"