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Joke of the Day

"My parents used to listen to jimmy saville back in the seventies If only they had come into my room and stopped him."

"A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!"

"Her: Are you getting off early today? Me: THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME!"

"what does a nosey peper do? gets jalapeno buisness."

"George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant."

"me: siri tell me a joke siri: *turns on front facing camera*"

"Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?"

"How many friend zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They'll just compliment it way too much and then get pissed when it won't screw."

"I snatch kisses... ...and vice versa."