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Joke of the Day
"First Jon Stewart retires, then Brian Williams gets suspended. What's happening to fake news?"
Next Joke
"What did one ocean say to the other? ""Check out this awesome plane I got! I hear Malaysian is a pretty rare brand."" ""Nah man, they aren't; I got one too."""
"What's the difference between fancy food and military food? Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!"
"Wife: ""What are you doing?"" Husband : Nothing. Wife : ""Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."" Husband : ""I was looking for the expiration date."""
"What do you call a stoner dinosaur? A Smokealottapottapus."
"I just pretended to be on my phone in the elevator and then my phone rang. I'm going to close up shop emotionally for the day"
"I'm going to fire one of the guys that works at my mayonnaise factory. He keeps asking for a mayoRaise."
"What's the difference between Botox and Borax? Two letters."
"If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then ""sucks"" underneath"
"My thumb keeps attacking my pinky... I've got a civil war on my hands!"