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Joke of the Day

"You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account."

"What is a terrorist's favorite wine? White Infidel."

"Don't make me drop my bean curd... ... or I'll lose my tempeh."

"I didn't use to like fungus but then it grew on me"

"Members of Congress are like farts. We hate all of them except our own."

"What do you call a woman that doesn't make me a sandwich? An ambulance."

"What do you call a hot fruit? A LAVA-Cado!"

"How do you know the devil is white? Because he owns hell, he doesn't work for hell."

"Ever fill a garbage bag, put your foot on it and stomped the hell out of it so it held 9 times what it's supposed to? Yoga pants explained."

"I'm single by choice Not my choice though, every girl I've ever asked out's choice."