176296
Joke of the Day
"I didn't use to like fungus but then it grew on me"
Next Joke
"Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, it's girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant."
"When you find it hard to keep a girl, find a girl that keeps it hard."
"Where does the army keep fish? In a tank."
"I didn't flan on getting divorced and now my wife wants custardy and she's pudding our kids in the middle :("
"[donating blood] ""You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?"" ""No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."""
"What's common to the cockpit of a modern fighter aircraft and the inside of a headhunter's hut? The heads-up display"
"""Hand me downs"" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby."
"What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings? Skepticles."
"To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud."