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Joke of the Day

"I approach sex and parking the same way Get close enough to the end while still being able to safely pull out."

"Me: Is that seat taken? You: You are pointing at my face... Me: I know."

"Don't be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states."

"makeup beauty Omg = oh my girl so cute next morning without makeup Omg = ohh My God omg/omg = life without wife"

"A dark sense of humour is like food. Not everyone has it."

"Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic? Because everything that stays there just ends up dying."

"Have you heard that HPV had spread to birds? It has caused multiple cases of aviary cancer."

"What do you call four drowning Mexicans? Cuatro cinco"

"Did anyone see Bob Costas' double pink eye while watching the Olympics? I heard he got it from Putin."

"Ranchers are protesting over round hay bales. They claim that their horses aren't getting a square meal."