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Joke of the Day

"Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic? Because everything that stays there just ends up dying."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"What did the baker name her dog? Pido."

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"It all Title says it all"

"A friend told me I'm out of touch. I laughed so hard I almost peed my Hammer pants."

"What's black and fills out welfare forms?? A pen, you jerk."

"What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you? 10 after 1"

"Hey ladies, you realize that you're not required to look at every mirror you come across, right?"

"I could try taking matters into my own hands... But it just doesn't do it for me."