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Joke of the Day

"If you love something, let it go. Unless that thing is a cat. Your cat will not come back."

"I got arrested for indecent exposure. They've sent me to the Small Claims Court."

"When I was a kid, we were so poor... If I didn't wake up with a boner on Christmas, I wouldn't have anything to play with."

"The bartender says ""We don't serve time travelers in here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"The only way I'm coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do."

"Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan"

"What do you call a Spartan king with a disease? Leonitis"

"Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza? He heard it had de*liver*y flavor."

"Damn girl, you must be a moped Because I love riding you but I'd be extremely embarrassed if any of my friends saw me on you"

"Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games. In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends."