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Joke of the Day

"I got arrested for indecent exposure. They've sent me to the Small Claims Court."

"I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle."

"What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed? Isaac Newton died a virgin"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, if you can get 'em in there."

"Why don't blind people go sky diving? It freaks out the dogs!"

"Why cant train drivers be sentenced to the electric chair? Because they're bad conductors."

"I've been shoveling manure all day So don't give me any bullshit."

"Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again."

"I can't get my dog to stop chasing people on bikes. I guess I'll have to take his bikes away."

"I asked my mom to tell me a joke... ""Your love life"" wasn't the response I was looking for."