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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,""Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."" Trump 20:16"

"This could just be the coffee talking but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *lights car on fire*"

"I only break out my Cookie Monster impression if a date is going terribly or really well."

"5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!"

"Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young."

"My friend once talked me out of jumping off a building with my new homemade glider wings. He said I didnt understand the gravity of the situation."

"I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."

"What do you call the procedure for female to male sex change? A stitchadicktomy"

"The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 3,748,067. So if you know 3,748,066 people who haven't been killed by a shark: avoid the ocean."

"Why couldn't Robin play cricket? Because he lost his bat, man."