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Joke of the Day

"Comcast opens an airline. The airplane only goes full speed to certain, partner airports and if the airplane flies further than expected, you're charged per mile."

"Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere."

"Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away."

"How can you tell if your wife is dead The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up."

"The ATM told me, ""Not enough funds in account,"" when I tried to withdraw. This ATM needs a bigger account."

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years.. ..then we met."

"I always watch the credits at the end of a movie just to see if there's a chance I got drunk and stumbled onto the set."

"My ex was terrible in bed. I mean she would just lie there... Screaming, ""Noooo!"""

"Really wanted the day off, so I text my boss Me: I can't come in today. I'm sick Boss: How sick are you? Me: Well I'm currently in bed with my sister......"

"I'm convinced some of you are here because someone didn't properly lock your cage."