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Joke of the Day

"I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas. He couldn't find the right words to thank me."

"I think you should be able to plead ""humidity"" in some murder cases."

"""I like my women like I like my Stephen Hawkings... ...paralyzed and unable to talk."" - Bill Cosby I'll see myself out."

"A terrorist made a post on reddit... Then he said ""Well, I'm gonna see how's that gonna blow up in a few hours"""

"I'm emotionally constipated I haven't given a shit in days."

"Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the class. Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class."

"What do you call a blind German? A 'not-see'."

"My Wife made me choose between her, and my Love of Pointing out Doors ""If you want to leave"" I told her, ""There's the Door"""

"Let's name our sandwich shop after smelly trains."

"A good education is pretty important, but I think being good looking might be more importanter."