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Joke of the Day

"friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive"

"My girlfriend started bleeding during sex, and I told her to suck it up. In a few years, she'll bleed every month."

"Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles. Diets are hard."

"Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?... A month later he was picking his teeth"

"They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?"

"I hate people who talk about me behind my back... They discussed me."

"What's the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman? Snowballs!"

"How many redditors commenting on a given post does it take to screw in a light bulb? Not possible. Their hands are too slippery with each other's ejaculate."

"Nothing is certain but death and Adobe Flash Player updates."

"Who would you like for president in 2020? Anyone who doesn't have poor visions."