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Joke of the Day

"maybe ancient civilizations wouldn't have died out if they'd built regular buildings instead of these dumb ruins"

"Poor Will... He gets fired at a lot."

"Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced."

"My friends think my cat is loyal and selective with his affection, but the truth is that I don't have any friends."

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"Why is Russian the most dangerous language to learn? Because it's Russki."

"Just saw 666 on a license plate and, in case you guys were wondering, Satan drives a Jeep."

"Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you're eating you can't get crumbs in your bra. Turtleneck con: see above."

"Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left""? Because black people have no rights."

"Fun Fact If your parents never had children, chances are that neither will you."