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Joke of the Day

"Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine."

"I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long."

"Do you know how to plant tulips? Yes, then how about planting tu-lips on this"

"4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank."

"Me: What sound do dogs make? 3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses? 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs? 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon."

"Dirty limerick... There was a girl from Peru Grammar to her was new She asked after the deed With her mouth full of seed Did I just blow or blew?"

"They brought the hot dog in for questioning. He gave the... wurst... answers."

"Why do women have boobs? So ya got something to look at when yah talkin' to em'! So ya got something to look at when yah talkin' to em'! So ya got... Thanks Family Guy."

"Went to take out money from the ATM and hit Espanol by accident.It replied, 'Nice try, you don't get paid until all the onions are chopped'."

"My wife wants to meet new people & have fun, so she made me join a Bridge Club.... ...I jump off next Tuesday"