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Joke of the Day

"Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner? Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating."

"In capitalist America, you grab people by the pussy. In Soviet Russia, you seize the means of reproduction."

"You know what a satisfied woman sounds like? I didn't think so."

"""IT'S 3AM! TIME FOR SPRINTS!"" - Cats"

"What does a guy with a big dick have for breakfast? I figured you wouldn't know"

"You wanna know how I hold my liquor? By the ears :p"

"Think having your kid hear you having sex is the worst? NOPE! Having your kid run into the room with a light saber to save you...MUCH WORSE!"

"What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent? Rice Paddy. - Edit: Credit goes to my nickname from some clever fucker classmate when I was a kid."

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards... I got a full house and four people died."

"The ""bishop"" came to our church today He was a fucking impostor. Never once moved diagonally."