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Joke of the Day

"Last night, I was sitting next to a hot girl at the bar... ...and all I could think was, ""Don't get an erection, don't get an erection, don't get an erection..."" But she did."

"How often does Mary see her special friend? Periodically."

"What shoe size does a quadriplegic wear? 26"" rims"

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"Did you know Helen Keller had a male roommate? (Neither did she.)"

"Marijuana does have an adverse effect on my spelling skills. It's to the point that Google even knows when I'm high."

"""Ho, ho, ho!"" -Santa doing a head count"

"Irony My friend was trying to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of irony... which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop."

"Parents w/ 1st Baby: ""Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!"" Parents w/ Baby #4: ""SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"""

"My wife woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on her face! I love Sharpie markers."