144015

Joke of the Day

"When coming out of any coma, try keeping your eyes shut for another day or two to see what everyone's saying about you."

"Here's a fact, gay guys love vagina. Okay, that might be wrong. I'm just trying to get my facts straight."

"Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!"

"When the doctor prescribed the millennium a medical dog he was surprised the patient asked ""how do i smoke it"""

"What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist."

"Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor"

"""Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?"" - podium salesman"

"Anyone who uses the phrase ""easy as taking candy from a baby"" has never tried taking candy from a baby."

"Don't ever look away from a police officer. Just stare him down. You don't wanna look suspicious."

"I think the bigger issue with our country is that Paula Deen even had that many endorsements to lose in the 1st place."