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Joke of the Day
"Bon Iver just walked into my Starbucks. Wait nope just a super sad cat."
Next Joke
"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""
"How do you make a baby cry twice? You rub your bloody dick on their teddy bear."
"How do birds learn to fly? They just wing it."
"Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver? Because she's dead."
"God Said to Phil ""Come Forth and Receive Eternal Life."" Phil came fifth and received a toaster."
"I'm thinking of going as a pimp for Halloween. Anybody know how the CEO of Wells Fargo dresses?"
"I was gonna take my wife out last night..... But the gun jammed."
"This may be the wine talking but help he's drinking me, he's drinking me."
"What do you call it when you wake up with a boner and wait till you go limp to urinate? Atro-Pee"