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Joke of the Day

"Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* ""What happened?!"" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*"

"I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt..... So, I made a move on her."

"You'd think that people who kept their head warm would tend to be healthier... but as it turns out, people who wear turbans are actually more likely to be Sikh"

"I just saw an onion ring. So I answered it."

"Man A: Would you suck my cock if I cleaned it? Man B: No.. Man A: You dirty cocksucker!!!"

"This whole time I thought Ariana Grande was a font"

"I don't mean to brag but I've perfected the confused look whenever my credit cards get declined"

"Does anyone else have a girlfriend great enough to tell them that they have herpes? Well, me neither"

"Her: Let's each pick one person we can sleep with and the other person can't get mad. Mine is Ryan Gosling. Who's yours? Me: The babysitter"

"""Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?"" ""you mean cheese?"" [waiter struggling to keep bowl covered] ""that does make more sense actually"""