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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of afterbirth? You can't gargle with the sand."

"My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said ""WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."""

"What does a Catholic priest and a silver medalist have in common? They both came in a little behind."

"if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ... Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house."

"*talking to mailman* So are you like, made of mail? *mailman laughs* ""sure, kid"" So that must mean.. *fireman & garbageman walk by* Holy shi"

"You know what would really suck? Finding a needle in a haystack."

"Joss Whedon should open his own version of a Tractor Supply store, with gardening and animal supplies ... ... he could call it Whedon Feed 'n Weed-n-feed"

"The best gifts in life will never be found under a Christmas tree! Those gifts are friends, family, kids and the one you love!!"

"Say what you will about pedophiles but... They always support orphans, the always drive slow in school zones, they always donate to schools, they always help with homework."

"When I was 13 my dad gave me a bunch of socks n said ""I heard u grunting in ur room last night, do it into these"" So now I poop into socks"