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Joke of the Day

"Say what you will about pedophiles but... They always support orphans, the always drive slow in school zones, they always donate to schools, they always help with homework."

"I am going to live stream my extremely Mexican wife farting onto an 8x10 photograph of Donald trump at midnihgt"

"This says it all... It all."

"Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 50 seconds. Poor guy."

"Why is Columbus a slang term for cocaine in Native American communities? Because it's white and kills them."

"Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes."

"At the library: Librarian: you have 45 cents in late fees. Me: (adjusts bow tie then slides 50 cents across the table) Keep the change"

"Was driving today and I saw some chick texting and driving... Pissed me off so much I threw my beer at her."

"If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car then it would perform illegal operations and crash."