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Joke of the Day

"Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I'm older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?"

"My new breast reduction clinic is called ... Tits for tats."

"I saw Jimmy Carr at the train station the other day.. ..I guess it's because he doesn't like taxis"

"Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday. Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else !"

"How are people from Kentucky like flour? They're inbred."

"When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out ""hello!"" that gives them the upper hand. Yell, ""YOU AINT SHIT!"""

"I played a piano duet with myself... it was a Heart and Soulo"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? ...'Cause I wore the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"A human cannonball for the circus retired after 35 years of service. When asked if the man would be replaced, the owner of the circus said, ""No, only because it's hard to find a man of that caliber."""

"Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee"