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Joke of the Day

"Vegetarian Club I met a girl that said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but i had never met herbivore."

"If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back."

"Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book? It's called ""One More Thyme"""

"Given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer than forget where I put it."

"I'm so glad none of my friends are gay Because they're safe"

"My cat scratched me for trapping her under the blankets as I made the bed... I guess she's clawstrophobic."

"Guys wait for the perfect girl, Playboy's fault. Girls wait for the perfect guy, Disney's fault."

"Son: what will happen when I die? Me [lowers newspaper]: there'll be a lot of left over sandwiches & then we'll turn your room into a gym"

"Do not hit a woman... Do not hit a woman. Cause after all the shit, you need someone to make you a sandwich."

"*girl rests her head on my shoulder* -Are you flexing? -No"