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Joke of the Day

"Son: what will happen when I die? Me [lowers newspaper]: there'll be a lot of left over sandwiches & then we'll turn your room into a gym"

"If life gives you lemons, you migth be lysdexic"

"I lost my job as a massage therapist. Apparently, I rub people the wrong way."

"What do you call it when you roofy a jello shot? A Bill Cosby."

"What's the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet"

"The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar's UP. That old man really loved his house."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it."

"Wanna hear a corny joke? Ethanol"

"I hate pedophiles they're fucking immature assholes!"

"Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It's called Facebook."