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Joke of the Day

"*At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils"

"What do you give to the man who has everything? Penicillin."

"I call my penis ""the coelacanth""... Because no one has seen it for 66 million years."

"My father was a wonderful man. He's still alive, he just turned into a cunt."

"I bet the first person to keep track of his age was a gigantic tool ""This is my 24th winter"" Shut up and help us kill this boar, Stuart"

"Me: I heard Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. Friend: OMg!"

"Kanye West is the type off nigga that shows up to a random funeral and say... Why ya'll crying, I'm still alive"

"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"

"I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice you shouldn't draw on dogs!"

"Boss set out a bowl of hard candy in the break room, so I guess we had our Christmas party today."