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Joke of the Day

"I'm gods gift to women if god only shopped at Rite Aid."

"As you get older dating becomes a lot like Musical Chairs. The music stops, everyone sits down and you're left with the last idiot standing."

"TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub."

"What do Lumber jacks do in China? Chop sticks!"

"Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?"

"I saved a girl from getting raped last night.. .. I stayed home and jacked off"

"What did the porn star put at the end of their resume? Sexual references."

"Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band? Because they don't even know if they believe."

"Why couldn't the duck stop smoking? Because he was a quack addict"

"A friend's uncle asked how to use Amazon. He may need an Internet primer... ...do you think Sherwin-Williams makes one?"