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Joke of the Day

"What is a British person's favorite cereal? Cheerios. say it in a British accent"

"A hot mess? No, thanks. Sounds sticky and uncomfortable. I prefer my messes like I prefer my revenge: cold and served to someone else."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo..."

"Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for. And then I shit my pants."

"At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die"

"hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you're pregnant they'll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars"

"A Girl To Doctor: When I Smoke Cigarette, I Feel Very Uncomfortable, On First Puff, I Put Off My Shoes. On Second, My Socks. On Third, My Shirt. Doctor: Take This Cigarette And Tell Me In Detail."

"""God is dead, but like, dead in a fun way"" - Nietzsche trying to make a first date less awkward"

"This will be my first valentines with a girlfriend. Anyone have any ideas to help make it great? I'm 17, can drive and have a source of income. I would really like to make this one good."

"Ferguson, MO In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal."