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Joke of the Day

"Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for. And then I shit my pants."

"I just took a massive dump. Didn't know I had it in me."

"How many illegals will it take to build Trump's wall? Too many to document."

"How do rhinos like their eggs? Poached."

"How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb? As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb."

"Paychecks are like dicks... Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger."

"Eventually you're going to achieve self awareness in a padded cell, staring at your palm, realizing twitter was just all your personalities"

"How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence?"

"We're probably missing out on a lot of good candy by stereotyping creepy people who have white vans with tinted windows who give free candy."

"WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don't really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)"