62965

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between someone who doesn't use their turn signal and Hitler? You know Hitler will turn Reich."

"It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*"

"Request: Jokes for the sick? I have a good friend who was just hospitalized, hopefully nothing too serious. I'd love to send him a few short, clean jokes to cheer him up. Thanks!"

"Why isn't there a middle finger emoji I swear I would use it 99% of the time"

"Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time, you are near, serious question, that is weird, shit ton of birds are following you."

"Why are black people fast runners? They have 3 long strong legs."

"I've been getting a lot more use out of my treadmill since I put a blanket and pillow on it."

"Half of all bears are smarter than the average bear. It's not that big a deal."

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking through an alley last night? One was a salted."

"How do lesbian carpenters work? No studs. All tongue in groove."