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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I'm peeing in a public restroom & some motherfucker tries to rob me & I have to fight him while holding my dick."

"If a psychic midget escapes from police custody.... ... is she a small medium at large?"

"I had a dream about a woman who becomes a horse at night. It was a nightmare."

"*runs into long lost friend* Him- I started out on the bottom now I'm a district MGR. what do you do? Me- I disappoint people"

"What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!"

"How do you keep a Redditor in suspense?"

"If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side... ...at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs."

"I Got a Haircut Recently It wasn't what I wanted but it grew on me."

"Big deal, McDonalds. We're all here for a limited time only."

"Why did the man turn on the lights in a depression clinic? He wanted to lighten the mood in such a dim atmosphere."