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Joke of the Day

"""It's the holidays"" *eats a pizza* ""It's the holidays"" *eats 3 cheeseburgers* ""It's the holidays"" *eats my food, your food & a small baby*"

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"A Catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting together on a bench when a young boy walks by... ""Let's fuck him!"" says the priest. ""Out of what?"" asks the rabbi."
"Are you the date? Because you're 10/10"
"Customer asked where I lived so I thought the most accurate response was ""the internet."""
"I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit."
"A Neutron walks into a bar ""I'd like a beer,"" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. ""How much will that be?"" asks the neutron. ""For you?"" replies the bartender, ""no charge."""
"the 80 year old lady paying w/ exact change and coupons behind me in line is pissed bc the credit card chip reader is taking too long"
"I was in the bank yesterday and all the money floated out of the vault and flew right out the door... It was a polterheist."
"Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby."
"Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!"
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