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Joke of the Day

"the 80 year old lady paying w/ exact change and coupons behind me in line is pissed bc the credit card chip reader is taking too long"

"My doctor says I have oppositional-defiant disorder. But he's wrong, so fuck him!"

"What we've learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees."

"Beached whale Today I got in trouble at work for throwing water on a lady... I just thought that's what your suppose to do for a beached whale"

"As a little girl, I dreamt of being whisked away by a handsome prince. It's my husband's dream now."

"FedEx missed me and left a note saying I can pick up my delivery, but joke's on them -- I no longer have the strength to do anything at all"

"Why can't you email jokes to a jedi? Because attachments are forbidden"

"How did the hipster burn himself? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"What do your mom and a hockey team have in common? They both go three periods without a shower."

"Why was the cheese so sad? Because it was provOLONE"