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Joke of the Day

"I've never met a group of people more worried about their ""privacy"" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves."

"A woman behind me got run over today. She was following me on twitter."

"What do you call a kitten who accidentally eat all your pills? A Caterpillar"

"How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)"

"The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days"

"You could make a whole biopic about my life using only the infomercial footage of people unable to perform simple tasks for no reason."

"I think my phone is mentally challenged... When I try to type 'with' it always replaces it with 28th."

"A cop pulls a guy over.... And asks the man ""sir have you been drinking tonight?"" Looking around the car bewildered he replies ""why is there a fat bitch in here?"""

"Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that's why we're getting a divorce and marrying you instead."